People: The Blind Leading the Confused

March 26, 2009

I was on AOL.com to read my email. On the AOL homepage surfers are greeted with “information inundation,”  and various news and reading opportunities flash before the user. On this trip, a flash read “One Way to Approach a Woman: One move tells her you’re not confident.” I bit.

I was transported to the AOL personals page and a photo gallery pictorializing the body language moves that guys should make. The scene was a bar. Already doesn’t apply to me–I want I lifelong relationship and that is not where I want to find it. Anyway, by Move Number Three this man and woman (who may or may not have exchanged names) are already using “body language” that I would expect from married people, and non old-fashioned people might expect it from people who’ve known each other for a while (or who have at least been out on a couple of dates). The picture: lady at bar standing between widely spread legs of man sitting at bar. Again, I’ve been living a sheltered life.

The gallery continues with “rules” such as how a man should touch or stroke his chin–the beard area–as an indication of manliness and evidence of testosterone’s presence. LOL! In case the deep voice doesn’t convince her he’s all man . . .

Then there are the recommendations for approaching two women at once. Zero in first on the woman you’re NOT interested in–then say “oh, I’m forgetting you,” to the woman you ARE interested in, and make the mac daddy moves from there. Or, have a “wingman” to distract the undesired woman so you can focus on your dreamboat. I’m like, “For real?”

I guess this stuff bothers me so much because it’s so superficial, so very shallow. We have enough resources allowing us to keep our relationships with people from going deeper–a blog is one of them. Twittering, emailing–we use all these tools to communicate, but they don’t facilitate making real connections with people. And here, at a bar (though not my location of choice) is a man’s and woman’s chance to connect with someone who could be like-minded, and we’re concerned about sending signals of true manliness and ignoring the woman who is not as pretty as her friend.

There are at least 10 potential offshoot discussions from this, but I at least want to say to my fellow singles that if they are really interested in connecting with people who can be potential lifetime partners, this kind of advice (the AOL personals advice, that is) is not for them. It focuses mostly on getting physically close to a stranger with the potential for acquiring a bedmate for the night–well, maybe even for a few weeks. And it won’t be long before a follower of this advice returns to square one, because it turns out the couple have nothing in common besides free flowing hormonal juices.

Surely more is meant for human relationships than this.

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