People: “I Need Time to Get Acclimated” . . . Baby Mama-In-Waiting

April 11, 2009

Well, who woulda’ thunk it? Jay Leno has a seed of family value righteousness planted in him, much to shy Vin Diesel’s slight embarassment.

Vin was on the Tonight Show a couple of weeks ago, (check out http://www.nbc.com/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/video/clips/vin-diesel-033009/1076924/ for the clip) and Jay asked him about his new little baby, born to his very pretty girlfriend. In fact, Vin said she was not just pretty, but a “wonderful woman.”

“So, are you getting married?” Jay asked, innocently.

I hadn’t seen such ducking and dodging outside of politics in a while! I think I saw sweat forming like droplets of blood on Vin’s fine face. “What, man, who you working for–my parents?” Vin jokingly asked.

And Jay wouldn’t let it go. He asked a couple more times–why wouldn’t Vin marry this “pretty, wonderful” woman who gave birth to his healthy baby girl?

Vin said something like “Can I just have some time to acclimate . . .” and didn’t get to finish the sentence, because Jay commented “what, you need to get to know each other better? You weren’t shy when you were doing it!”

Well, let’s not be too hard on Vin. Or his pretty baby mama. They’re just doing what so many people say comes natural, and the natural result is a baby.

Around the time I saw this story first on AOL.com (I promise that’s not my sole source of  “news”), I heard about  the latest study regarding American births to unmarried women. Forty percent (40%) of all births now are out-of-wedlock. And in some societal groups (blacks), the reports have been as high as almost 80% . What are the pros and cons of this reality? How are our lives as women affected? Our children’s lives? The baby daddies’ lives? Is there any effect? (Findings of the National Center for Health Statistics study, as reported by CNN.com, are at http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/04/08/out.of.wedlock.births/index.html?iref=nextin. Primary source information at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr57/nvsr57_12.pdf, page three).

I can only speak for me. There are no more precious gifts I have to give to the man I love than my body and soul. And when can he have access to those? When he says, “it’s you and me, Love–for life!”(and then he recites the public vows, of course).

I think women make it too easy on men–even generally good men–when we give them so much of ourselves with no promise of commitment. Whether it’s cleaning his house, sharing his bed, giving him money, or encouraging him to fulfill his dreams (and even assisting him to get there), a man who has not had to give up anything to get all of that from you is unlikely to feel compelled to ever make a firm, lifelong commitment. Why should he bother?

I don’t have anything against Diesel or his beautiful girlfriend, and I’m not passing judgment on them. I just am a bit sad for a precious young life born out of the pleasure two people got from being physically intimate with one another, but two people who couldn’t say, without reservation, “I love you so much, I don’t want anyone else. And I want our child to know how strong her parents’ love for one another is, so she’ll never doubt that we’ll both always be there for her–together.”

Now that’s beautiful.

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